can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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