well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize