Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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