I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
is that a dick in a sweater?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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