i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have feelings that need drinking.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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