My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
