You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
