Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my being single is dangerous.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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