I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
