Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
