Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
