You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
