I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize