she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
