Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
one two three fourrrrnication!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
