There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
