Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
