Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
two words: eviction party
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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