I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
