the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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