I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
