She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
