It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
