she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry my hands just texted you
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
im on a boat
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