I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
