i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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