You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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