i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
