Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize