Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
