hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
