problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
