Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
