As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
