Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
