I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
