DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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