I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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