mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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