Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
