Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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