My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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