It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
