Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
