farters have to be the big spoon...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
