Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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