you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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