two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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