either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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