I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
zippers are such a cool invention
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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