Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
