that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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