Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
