She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
