whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
