somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
