I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
