hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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