Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
