im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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