When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
