1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize