Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think your dad took our porno
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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