I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
