"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There's always time for handjobs
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
