theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
