i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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