What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
