I got chris browned last night
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
