dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
