I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
