I wish I could punch you in the face.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
