I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
