So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
