you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
