(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I forgot wine drunk hurts
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize