Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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