apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
