Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
