Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
