Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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