My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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