im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I understand Curling. That high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
