I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
