how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
