I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The air taste purple.
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