1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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