did you get engaged???
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
