I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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