i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
