NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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