My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
