Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
