I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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