I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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