Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
