you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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