atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
