can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
