Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
