Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
