I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
