dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize